7 Habits of Highly Incompetent People

Once again, Stumbleupon has helped me with blog content - THANK YOU.  If you've ever read "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," this is essentially the opposite.  Good luck!

Number 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things.

Yup. They see problems in every opportunity.

They complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain for ruining their plans for the day. They blame the wind for ruining their hair.

They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems but never the solutions.

Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of tragedy. They regard failures as catastrophes. They become discouraged easily instead of learning from their mistakes.

They never seem to move forward because they're always afraid to come out of their comfort zones.

Number 2 - They Act Before They Think.

They move based on instinct or impulse. If they see something they like, they buy at once without any second thought.

Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not able to take advantage of the bargain.

Then they spend & spend again until nothing's left. They don't think about the future. What they're after is the pleasure they will experience at present.

They don't think about the consequences. Those who engage in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in this group.

Number 3 - They Talk Much More Than They Listen

They want to be the star of the show. So they always engage in talks that would make them heroes, even to the point of lying.

Oftentimes they are not aware that what they're saying is not sensible anymore.

When other people advise them, they close their ears because they're too proud to admit their mistakes.

In their mind they're always correct. They reject suggestions because that will make them feel inferior.

Number 4 - They Give Up Easily
Successful people treat failures as stepping stones to success.

Incompetent ones call it quits upon recognizing the first signs of failure.

At first, they may be excited to start an endeavor. But then they lose interest fairly quickly, especially when they encounter errors.

Then they go & search for a new one. Same story & same results. Incompetent people don't have the persistence to go on and fulfill their dreams.

Number 5 - They Try to Bring Others Down To Their Level

Incompetent people envy other successful individuals. Instead of working hard to be like them, these incompetent ones spread rumors and try every dirty trick to bring them down.

They could have asked these successful ones nicely. But no, they're too proud. They don't want to ask advise. Moreover, they're too negative to accomplish anything.

Number 6 - They Waste Their Time

They don't know what to do next. They may just be contented on eating, getting drunk, watching TV, or worse, staring at the blank wall with no thoughts whatsoever to improve their lives.

It's perfectly fine to enjoy once in a while. But time should be managed efficiently in order to succeed. There should be a proper balance between work & pleasure.

Number 7 - They Take the Easy Way Out

If there are two roads to choose from, incompetent people would choose the wider road with less rewards than the narrower road with much better rewards at the end.

They don't want any suffering or hardship. They want a good life.

What these people don't know is that what you reap is what you sow. Efforts & action will not go unnoticed.

If only they would be willing to sacrifice a little, they would be much better off.

Successful people made it through trials & error. They never give up. They are willing to do everything necessary to achieve what they aspire for in life.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

I literally stumbled upon this during my music literature, I'll do some more reading and hopefully divulge a little more on these topics later in my blog, but here's some things for consideration:

How to Win Friends and Influence People

This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936

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Part One

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

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Part Two

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

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Part Three

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

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Part Four

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Self Motivation

It is incredibly easy to be extrinsically motivated.  There are many things that motivate us to go and do things: money, success, fame, fear of failure.  Practically everybody can be motivated if they are guaranteed to be given something or lose something based upon their success or failure, respectively.  But what do we gain from this besides the material or emotional things?  Just like the rest of the world, we have turned ourselves into these creatures with selfish attitudes.  We have essentially said that we will not work unless we gain something from it.

The problem is, in part, finding a reason to do what we do without extrinsic motivation.  How do we do things without the promise of a reward or a punishment?  By having a genuine desire to do so.  Genuineness is not something that can be faked.  It's very definition is "being authentic; not pretending."  In order to live our lives genuinely, it must be our desire to do what we are doing: going to school, working, studying just to gain the knowledge, practicing, going to church, etc.  Yes, there are benefits to the things that we do.  However, that should not be the reason that we actually follow through with our activities.

Self-motivation is not something that comes overnight.  Yes, sporadically we can feel motivated to do something out of the blue.  However, a constant genuineness is what we should strive for - the rest - the best part of doing something, the benefits - will come as a result.

Walk the Walk

We have all heard the phrase "If you're gonna talk the talk, you better be able to walk the walk."  It is my belief that we should not be "talking the talk" aloud unless asked or given the opportunity.  A lot of talk usually equals a lot of ego, and ego is never constructive or helpful - it is merely a selfish act used to promote ourselves.

If we are going to say that we are one thing, we better be that, yes?  Why say it though?  What is the purpose of stating what we are going to do, if we could just do it without the unnecessary talk.  This is the same thing as raising our hand during a lecture and, upon being called on, saying, "I have a question," and then stating your question.  This just wastes time and energy while promoting frustration and annoyance to those that are listening.

It is my belief that everything we say and do should serve a purpose to benefit ourselves (not our egos) or somebody else.  Think of all the things we say to promote our own importance: say that we know "so and so," brag about our grades, talk about our possessions.  Get rid of the extra, trim down the edges.  I promise that it will make the people around you happier and will give you more time and more energy.  To do this, we will need to be incredibly conscientious of the words that are coming out of our mouths.  If and when the words do slip and our egos come out to play, we better be sure that we follow through with our own words and promises.

"Choose to be Happy"

The other night, I attended a forum put together by the School of Music that talked about things to consider for when we graduate: graduate school, employment, where to be, how to save, etc.  Dr. Martin's portion of the evening talked about good things to know for life in general.  He opened and closed with the phrase, "Choose to be happy."  He did not expand upon it much, but it was a pretty simple statement.  Afterwards, I looked over the notes I had taken and that phrase kept jumping out at me.  Too many times I have chosen one thing over another because it was the easier thing to do at the time.


Happiness is defined as good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.  It's antonym is misery.  How many times have we gone through the day being miserable?  Or feeling miserable?  Well, if this is the case for more days than just the every-so-often off-day, then we are not doing what makes us happy.  


At this point in my own life, pursuing a music education degree, I feel both happy and miserable... More like I am happy to be working towards a more fulfilling happiness.  Every day, I am happy with the choice I have made to be at Texas State University, pursue a music education degree, and take on these challenges fully.  Regarding my relationships, I am overwhelmed with happiness.  My parents could not be more loving, caring, and understanding than they are and have been throughout my college career.  My sister and I have gotten to that point where we are actually friends now.  I could not as for a more compassionate, kind-hearted, selfless boyfriend to have spent the past 3 years with and who I will be happy with for a very, very, very long time.  I have, undoubtedly, the best friends in the world that put my happiness on their list of important things.  And of course, I am beyond blessed to have a God that makes me so incredibly happy.


I have chosen to worship my God.  I have chosen to pursue music education at Texas State University.  I have chosen to cultivate the relationships I have with the people in my life.  I can't say that I take credit for my own happiness - that is the Lord's doing, as he has pointed me in those directions - but I have made the decisions for myself.  I encourage you to seek happiness.  What is life without happiness?  Futile.  Don't choose futility.  Choose happiness.  Pursue happiness.  Pursue the life you want.

Who Really Matters

With every frustration, every sense of anger, and every tear, it is important to (after all the venting) step back and think about what and who truly has an impact on us and our lives.  I am, without doubt, a people-pleaser.  I like for everybody to be happy and I feel as though I should have control over their sense of happiness.  However, this is completely unrealistic.

Off the top of my head, I can name five people who's opinion of me matters: God, my parents, Nathaniel, Dr. Beatty, and Mr. Goodwin.  On the other end of the spectrum, I could name five people who's opinion of me is unimportant and that (in a few years) won't matter one bit.  When you feel as though you have messed up and who that has affected and how it has affected them, consider what that person thinks.  Then consider if that even matters.  It's not to say that pleasing people is not important, because if that person is your boss, your coworker, or your future boss or coworker, then they matter.

Today was tough.  I altered several people's opinion of me today.  I was incredibly upset afterwards.  Then, I stepped back for a moment.  I reasoned with myself.  I talked it out to other people, trying to be as completely un-biased as possible.  Each time I thought, I realized that what happened changed somebody else - not me.  In the future, today does not change anything.  I know that at the end of the day, I am who I am, I believe what I believe, and I will stick to my guns no matter what happens with any given person as long as the people who matter to me, think of me in the matter that I want them to.

So, we need to go about this by categorizing and prioritizing: what you want people to think about you and which people need to think that.  It is okay to have an initial reaction.  It is okay to get angry or sad or frustrated - that's what makes us human.  But venting is not enough, we must come to the logical conclusion that we are human, are not perfect, and can not please everybody.  But, truly, who needs to please every one they come across?

Be a Better Human

All this talk about trying to be the best you can be and striving for you very best all the time can be taxing.  For most of us, it would be difficult to give 150% on everything all the time - we only have so much brain power, concentration, and (quite frankly) motivation.  So, what is something that we can do every day that, at the very least, keeps us from slipping back into old habits of giving just 80% so that we have something left for ourselves: Be a better human.

It seems pretty simple.  My old band director use to always say "Figure it out," whenever anybody was not keyed in.  Instead of just merely figuring it out - trying to keep your head above water - take it a step further.  Do one thing at a time better.  Do one thing out of your nature or character that benefits somebody.  Off the top of my head, I can think of a hundred examples of things one could do to "be a better human."

Have you ever seen that bank commercial where somebody does something nice for somebody else while somebody watches and passes along the act of kindness?  This should be reality.  Make it your reality.  Spark more kindness.  Who knows, hopefully somebody will return the favor for you.

True Value

I know it's been a few days since I've posted, but it's because I have felt like in these posts I just keep repeating myself.  So, for this post I have decided to post my Upper Level Competency Review essay.  It is suppose to explain the following:

• Why do you choose to enter the profession?
• What is your developing philosophy?
• What do you consider your strengths and weaknesses?
• What are your goals for your career and your ultimate contribution to the profession?

For those of you that do not know the the Upper Level Competency Review (ULCR) is, it is essentially a check-in for music majors that is done by a board and includes an interview, a look at your grades, this essay, your jury for that semester, and a number of proficiency tests that must be passed.  Essentially, this decides whether or not you get to continue to pursue a music degree.  In this essay, I stick to the foundations of my beliefs and leave it for judgement.  Feel free to comment on it, make suggestions, etc.

Music is like breath – it is necessary for existence.  My parents were never ones to preach that philosophy, but they were always eager to mention the fact that they met in band.  As a result, from an early age I wanted to be in band.  At this point in time, I had no idea that I would eventually wind up majoring in music education.  While in band, I continuously exceeded the expectations for the class and was always seeking a musical challenge.  When I went into high school, I developed an even deeper understanding and appreciation of music.  It inspired me to be more dedicated, to set higher goals for myself in all aspects of life, and it taught me how to be both a leader and a follower.  As I went through high school, I realized that I wanted everybody to feel inspired, challenged, and brave like I did.  My way of doing this?  Teach.  Not only did my own feelings push me towards majoring in music education, but my high school band director encouraged me to head in this direction as well.  Mr. Allan Goodwin was the toughest teacher I ever had, and yet, I was always eager to accept, meet and, exceed the goals he set for me.  He was the one who encouraged me to test my skills in a leadership position and challenged me, not just musically, but mentally and emotionally.  I learned so much about life and about myself throughout my years under the direction of Mr. Goodwin. 

            I feel as though Mr. Goodwin taught me everything that a music teacher should: how to challenge myself, how to overcome failure, how to set goals, how to be a leader, how to be a follower, and how to obtain self-control in any situation.  All of these skills that a student of music will learn about and (hopefully) experience are what should be taught in music education within the school system.  Music is not about earning a one at UIL or coming in first at All-State.  Music is about more than just notes on the page.  Music is about learning and working as an individual and as a group towards a common goal.  It is not just those that have the talent to be in a music program that deserve to learn these life-changing lessons, but those that need them. 

I believe that I possess the necessary characteristics to be an effective and influential music educator.  I am understanding of the struggles of academics and home life.  I am both experienced and educated in the subject which I plan to teach.  I also believe that I possess the ability to control just about any situation which may arise.  I can bring control to chaos, laughter to a dead room, and seriousness to a much too relaxed group.  These characteristics are great for a teacher of any subject, and as a music educator, I am not just a teacher of music, but also of life.  Some areas in which I could use improvement include patience and the willingness to step back from a frustrating situation.  I intend to increase my patience by putting myself in situations in which I am not the person in charge.  In order to step back from a situation that I am too frustrated with to make forward progress or that is out of my control, I must first do a better job of recognizing when I am in these types of situations.

At this point in my life, with my experiences, I have learned that the fulfillment that comes from band never comes from winning the biggest trophy or beating everybody else at a competition, but it comes from the improvement, struggle, growth, and excitement that comes with the process to get from what we are able to do now to what we are able to do when we come to the final product.  In my time as a music educator, I hope to instill this mindset – that what you learn through the process is more valuable than any trophy or number – in all of my students.  My ultimate goal is to spread that way of thinking and being by any means, be it leadership training, through my writing, or by way of example.

            Music is a subject and art unlike any other.  And, although music is the true star, the music educator is the one who provides the link between the musician and the music itself.

Consider for a Moment

Consider for a moment what is expected of adults.  They are expected to have jobs, make families, be involved in the community; they are expected to achieve something and to do something meaningful to somebody other than themselves.  Consider the expectations for teenagers: don't do drugs, stay in school, don't mess up.  Yes, teenagers are not adults - they are still growing and learning and experiencing, but aren't we all?  I don't know that an 80 year old man would wake up in the morning and think, "I am equipped with infinite knowledge!"  We never stop learning.  So why should the expectations for people be different if they are going through the same things?

Teenagers need to hold themselves to higher standards.  If adults are expected to make something of themselves (even young adults) with the experience that they have, teenagers should be expected to do something more than just "not mess up."

What are these standards exactly though?  The thing about that is that we cannot pinpoint what everybody should achieve.  Everybody learns at a different pace and experiences things in any given sequence.  This is why we need to have our own, individualized expectations and should be responsible to ourselves for meeting and exceeding them.  This is where standardized testing is flawed.  Yes, I understand the need to test for understanding, but why not raise the standards for everyone?  If one person is able to achieve at a certain lever, why not make that the standard.

What kind of expectations do you have for yourself?
What do you suggest as a substitute for or addition to standardized testing?

For Those of You Who Have Faith

A while ago, I was recommended to read the book "Do Hard Things," by Alex and Brett Harris.  I very much respected the person that suggested I read it, so I bought the book.  Several times I started to read and never made it past the second chapter, but not because the book was bad or that I was not intrigued, but because my own fading will power and diminishing spare time took control of my daily routine - one which no longer included reading.  However, tonight I picked up the book again, feeling more motivated and with the determination to hold myself accountable to finishing the book and sharing it with those who want some insight.

Chapter one is essentially a "get pumped" spiel.  The boys talk about who they are, how they were raised, what they have accomplished, and what the point of the book is.  If you're really interested - read the book, but long story made short: They are homegrown, Christian, overachievers that have received a lot of opportunities that young people normally do not.  When I picked up the book for the first time, I was expecting a lot of fairly far-fetched ideas that were not really applicable to real life and were really only taken on by the elitists.  But what I found was exactly the opposite.

The authors focused on their faith, as it is the foundation for everything that they do - their motivation, their reason, their support.  My first thought?  How awesome.  I took notes as I read and the thing that stuck out most to me was that they saw the change starting with Christ in us, and then us taking that will and putting it into action.  The basis of the book can be dwindled down to this quote: "It's about something God is doing in the hearts and minds of our generation.  It's about an idea.  It's about rebelling against low expectations.  It's about a movement that is changing the attitudes and actions of teens around the world."

I understand that this blog was originally aimed at correcting the education - and yes, I do intend to get to that.  But we have to follow the chain all the way up.  At the top is our own mindsets.  It is not as if the education system has always been around; it was thought up by somebody or a group of somebody's.  But what on Earth were they thinking when they set the standards?  It's time to change the way we think, so that we can change the standards.

Personal Experience with Self-Evaluation

When thinking about this blog, the goal was to make it more scholarly and academic as opposed to a young woman's diary because, well, who wants to read about a nineteen year old's personal life; however, I feel compelled to share a story about the epiphany that I had in looking at myself tonight, conveniently occurring just a few hours after my last post dealing with self-evaluation.

This evening, my roommate (and best friend) came home from a busy weekend and after spewing out her weekend in the matter of minutes, she looks at me and says, "Talk."  I looked at her questioningly and she added, "Talk about anything... Life."  And so I did, talking about my weekend, my boyfriend, my homework, and everything in between.  Then I brought up a conflict that I had had just a few days ago and we began to dissect.  Essentially, it was an explosion of figuring out that my nurturing manner was both a flaw and a positive characteristic.  We discussed the ways in which I displayed my mothering nature - making dinner for, cleaning compulsively, checking in on people.

At first, I was completely offended.  I did not believe that being a caring person could possibly offend or annoy anybody ever.  It all seemed very black and white to me.  After the initial shock, I began to feel defensive.  I started spitting out reasons why I do those things and that it's necessary.  Luckily, my best friend is the most reasonable and sensible person I know.  She caught onto my feelings and began to make the situation less black and white, and more gray.

She talked about how it was not a bad thing, except when it was.  This "when it was" concept struck me.  I thought, "Who doesn't want to be taken care of?"  As we discussed the idea more and more, we came to the conclusion that it was not who did not want to be cared for, but when any given person needs to be independent for the time being.  It whittled down to perception.  If somebody perceives themselves as caring, they see it as good.  However, another could see it as overbearing and nosy, which is hardly ever a good thing.

As we look at ourselves, it is our job to look at both the good and the bad with multiple sets of eyes: our own, our friends, and even through the eyes of a stranger.  We must be open-minded and willing to look past the obvious commentary and dig a little bit deeper, reach for the "why."  Only after we find that out can we learn to control our behaviors and change the way that we act.  Maybe one day we can even alter the way that we think.

And that is the story of how I came about a seemingly harmless characteristic, nailed down the way, and started on how to change it.

Examining Ourselves

When I was in high school, I was part of the leadership team in band for three years.  There were always required readings to be on the leadership team.  The one that I found most applicable to all situations was "The Lombardi Rules" by Vince Lombardi, Jr.  Vince Lombardi (the author's father) was one of the greatest NFL coaches ever.  He brought the Green Bay Packers from being in the bottom of the bunch to standing in the shoes of championship players on a championship team.  Now, I know what you are thinking, "Football is based on winning football games, not character and leadership skills."  Right.  But Vince Lombardi was more about the "how" than the "what" - more about the "process" than the "product."

In order to make any change to this world, we must first understand what the problem is, why it is a problem, and how to fix it, and this begins with the individual.  Lombardi writes that we must get to know ourselves, that we cannot improve if we do not first understand.  Looking at myself, I see a controlling, impatient, and anxious student.  However, on the positive side of that, I see a kind, driven, and smart individual.  So, this is step one: understanding what we are.

Step two: understand why we are that way.  How do we get to the bottom?  We ask ourselves questions.  How do I spend my spare time?  What kind of people do I gravitate towards?  Of course, one would probably not sit down and think, "Why is my life the way it is?"  Break it down, spread it out.

So, now we have begun the process of examining who we are and why we are that way.  But there is a catch!  People change.  We cannot wake up one day and say to ourselves, "I have it all figured out!  I know who I am.  I know why I am this way.  The world is right.  Now I can go back to mindless, thoughtless living."  We must assess ourselves on a daily basis.  This takes concentration, the ability to multi-task, and awareness; to sum all these into one word:  simultaneous awareness - doing what we are doing, while assessing what we just did, while thinking about what we are about to do.  All this and "why."

Good luck.  Please feel free to share your thoughts in comment form.

The Beginning

This is the start of something that has been on my heart for three years now.  This is my way of trying to share my opinion with the world.  This is my way of beginning to change the world one mind at a time.  This blog is about our education system: my experiences with it, my opinions of it, and the ways in which I feel it could be improved.  This is not about calling our education system severely flawed, or bashing the creators of it.  This right here is about changing ourselves - our mindsets.  By changing how we think and the standards that we hold ourselves to, we will consequently feel obligated to make a change, a change that will benefit ourselves, our children, our children's children, and the future this world will behold.

Skeptical?  So am I.  I am skeptical as to whether this idea of changing the way that we think will even be accepted.  But for now, suspend disbelief and subject yourself to something new - something that can alter everything for the better.